


My Cheer Coach Got a Facebook

by thegirlformerlyknownasB



Series: So-and-So Got a Faceboook [3]
Category: Glee
Genre: Danger, F/F, F/M, Gen, M/M, Taking Over the World, don't let your cheer coach do it!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-17
Updated: 2013-06-17
Packaged: 2017-12-15 07:34:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 919
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/846956
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thegirlformerlyknownasB/pseuds/thegirlformerlyknownasB
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sue Sylvester is taking over the world one step at a time, starting with Facebook.</p>
            </blockquote>





	My Cheer Coach Got a Facebook

**Sue Sylvester:** Save your children from the slow swirling pit of death that is the arts and vote Sylvester for Congress!

**P. Figgs likes this**

**Will Schuester:** You are despicable, Sue. How could you?

**Emma Pillsbury and 2 others like this**

**Sue Sylvester:** William, perhaps if you stopped drenching your head with enough hair gel to seep into your brain, then maybe you would see exactly why my platform is reasonable. But since you use such an insurmountable clump of goop every day, and reapply every hour, your brain has slowly fogged; you no longer see reason.

**Kurt Hummel likes this**

**Will Schuester:** Kurt?

 **Kurt Hummel:** Sorry, Mr. Schue. You do use too much hair gel…

**Mercedes Jones and 3 others like this**

**Sue Sylvester:** Scram, Porcelain. This conversation is for intellectuals only.

**Becky Jackson likes this**

**Becky Jackson:** then ys te gLee guy hear coach?

**Sue Sylvester likes this**

* * *

 

 **Santana Lopez:** About to get my mack on with Brit. ;)

 **Brittany Pierce** **like this**

 **Brittany Pierce:** Awwwwwwwww! Let me go say bye to Lord Tubbington and then I'll drive right over.

 **Santana Lopez:** You're already here.

 **Brittany Pierce:** That would be why I can't find Lord Tubbington!

 **Sue Sylvester:** Well, if it isn't McKinley's own most popular ladies of the night.

 **Brittany Pierce:** Lord Tubbington can see in the night, but he's a boy.

**3 people like this**

**Sue Sylvester:** I'm surprised you even know how to use Facebook.

**Becky Jackson likes this**

**Santana Lopez:** Really? You're gonna go there?

 **Sue Sylvester:** You can't do anything about it. You're my captain, Busty, and until those overwhelmingly large prosthetic breasts cause you to fall of the pyramid and break your skull, you. Are. Mine.

* * *

 

 **Kurt Hummel:** My life is like a romantic movie. <3

**Blaine Anderson and 6 others like this**

**Blaine Anderson:** Just like in the movies, we got together. But unlike the movies, our story doesn't end there. :)

**Kurt Hummel likes this**

**Kurt Hummel:** I love you.

**Blaine Anderson likes this**

**Blaine Anderson:** I love you. I love you more and more every day. :D

**Kurt Hummel likes this**

**Sue Sylvester:** You two are throwing up over exaggerated, flamboyantly gay love rainbows. It makes me want to gag myself with a spoon.

 **Blaine Anderson:** Please don't insult my boyfriend and I like that.

**Kurt Hummel likes this**

**Sue Sylvester:** Shut up, Bushy Brow Hobbit.

**Kurt Hummel likes this**

**Blaine Anderson:** Kurt?

 **Kurt Hummel:** Well, you do have bushy eyebrows, and you are shorter than me…

 **Blaine Anderson:** :(

 **Kurt Hummel:** I love you?

* * *

 

 **Shannon Bieste:** Has a date tonight.

**5 people like this**

**Will Schuester:** That's great! You deserve to be happy.

 **Emma Pillsbury:** I hope you have fun. Remember to bring hand wipes if you are traveling anywhere, or if you plan on going to the bathroom remember to take necessary precautions.

 **Shannon Bieste:** Thanks, guys. I really appreciate your support.

**Will Schuester and Emma Pillsbury like this**

**Sue Sylvester:** Whose the lucky gal?

 **Shannon Bieste:** Excuse me?

 **Sue Sylvester:** Which lucky female gets to watch you rapidly consume food and listen to how great it is working with smelly teenage boys all day long?

 **Shannon Bieste:** He's a male, Sue. And I don't appreciate your incorrect assumption that he would be anything but a male.

 **Sue Sylvester:** It's okay, Beast, you don't have to be shy about anything. I don't care about homosexuality. I say let the gays do what they want as long as they don't corrupt the straights and try to emphasize the arts.

 **Shannon Bieste:** You are a terrible person.

**Will Shuester, Emma Pillsbury and 5 others like this**

* * *

 

 **Sue Sylvester:** Polls show that I'm currently in the lead. Thank God for good ol' O-hi-o. Beat that Candy the prostitute and Alejandro the illegal immigrant!

**Becky Jackson likes this**

**Becky Jackson:** u go coach

 **Sue Sylvester:** Thanks, Becky. Keep up your hard work.

* * *

 

 **Mercedes Jones:** Me and my boo are going shopping! :)

**3 people like this**

**Kurt Hummel:** What? We didn't make any plans.

 **Mercedes Jones:** Not you, White Boy, Shane. We got our own boos to take care of now.

 **Kurt Hummel:** Oh. Okay then.

 **Shane Tinsley:** You got that right, baby. You're going straight to the top and Imma help you get there. Luv you.

**Mercedes Jones likes this**

**Kurt Hummel:** He seems… charming.

 **Mercedes Jones:** Shane is very supportive and kind and yummy. And charming. So chill out, Kurt. Just because I'm not going shopping with you doesn't mean you need to freak out. Plus, you spend all your time with Blaine anyway. Let me be happy.

 **Sue Sylvester:** Can you two stop polluting Facebook with your prissy, superficial, scummy fights? If not, I will force you to take your toothbrushes and clean the Cheerio's bathroom.

 **Shane Tinsley:** How about the football team's locker room, too?

**Sue Sylvester and Becky Jackson like this**

**Sue Sylvester:** I like the way you think.

 **Mercedes Jones:** You can't do that! Facebook is a public website! You can't punish us due to what's posted on here.

 **Sue Sylvester:** Yes, I certainly can. This conversation here constitutes as cyber bullying on your part, Tots, so if you don't want to be expelled, I suggest you shut your mouth.

* * *

 

 **Sue Sylvester:** Just had a nice talk with **Mark Zuckerburg.** Remember our deal, my friend.

**9 people like this**

**Will Schuester:** Why is there a huge "Vote for Sue" campaign picture on my feed?

**2 people like this**

* * *

 

 **Sue Sylvester:** Step one of taking over the universe: Complete.


End file.
